Paul the Beef Cows Traumatic Incident

PAUL CALTON

Yes, we realize that he is not the absolute cutest cow in the world. But hey, not every cow in the world is blessed with good looks.

A few days ago, our beef cow, Paul, was on the verge of death. You could almost see his little cow spirit descending into cow heaven, that's how bad it was. He was spitting up blood everywhere and even his goopy cow snot was bloody. He was also two times bigger around than he already is. Guys, I don't know if you have ever seen Paul, but he is a big boy. Two times bigger? He was a stinkin fattie that day (generally that is a good thing, right? The fatter the cow the juicier and tastier they are later. But not in this case. I'll explain in a second so hold on(: ). Poor thing ): Anyways, so dad knew that Paul was bloated and called the vet but no one could come down and attend to him, so what next? Call the butcherer/professional cow murderer, what else! But they said that if they came and killed Paul now, the meat wouldn't be good. Panic struck. Save the meat!!!!!!!! Dad called the vet back and they told him to stab needles into Paul's side to release the air. So he went out and stabbed him a couple of good times and some air came out. Then he went to our neighbor Allan Hadfield's house (he has lots of cows) to see if maybe he knew what to do. Allan gave my dad Therabloat (which I'm guessing is like some sort of cow Gas X) and he came over to our house to help out. Well when they came home Paul was laying on the cold hard ground with his legs in the air and his eyes rolled back in his head. The panic got worse. So they force fed the half dead cow the Therabloat and rolled him over, I'm guessing haha not really sure how he got back on his feet... anyways then they stabbed him. Like with a pocket knife. Right in the side! Ouch... had to have hurt! Apparently, air come rushing out of him and according to dad it was like popping a basketball. That slimmed him down pretty quick.

Although this story was rather graphic and probably inflicted pain on the cow as well as my dad and Allan who had to stab him (EW!), it has a very happy ending. We saved our beef, and Paul is now out back taking it easy in his corral, on a diet of alfalfa and grain, per usual, unil in a few short months time he becomes a Christmas Pot Roast.

The End (: